Will you blow on my dice?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
