you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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