I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
