As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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