I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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