I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
