Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
