My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
