My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
