I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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