I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
