I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How external is "for external use only"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
