OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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