That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
