there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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