i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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