I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
