i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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