I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
