You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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