I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
