i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
