Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
