Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
