I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
