Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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