Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
