when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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