new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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