we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
