i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
