apparently the secret to your success is patron
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
