she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
