I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
