Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
