If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
