It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
