the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
