All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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