I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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