..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
