Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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