I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
