Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
