bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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