I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
