Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
