Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think a kid would responsible me up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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