He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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