The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
